Brock Black : Helping People Who Have Overcome Crisis Save The World

Are You Happier Now but Still Struggle to Feel Satisfied?

Sometimes it feels like I’ve been living the wrong way for nearly my entire life.

I was trained and taught that success was the key to a happy life. Because my situation was dire I poured everything I had into success.

And it wasn’t easy. Getting good grades in school was hard for me. Going to college and getting good grades there was hard as well. What I lacked in intelligence I made up in hard work.

I spent all of my time worrying about how awful my future would be if I didn’t work hard.

The choas I experienced as a kid made me prone to anxiety. Most things I experienced were not positive.

Dad screaming and hurting mom or me. Moving in with Papaw only to lose him to lung cancer.

There was never really a time when I could just relax and be a kid. That type of exposure early in life, shapes your perspective of what life is and makes it a hard place to enjoy.

But despite that or maybe because of it I did push forward. I did well in school and that did help me get into college. I even won a small academic scholarship. Mainly the hard work and good grades built my confidence.

Once I finished college I was able to get a job in my field fairly easily. I didn’t really like teaching at first, but it grew on me. As I got better at it, it began to feel more natural. I actually really enjoy it now which is a relief because there was a dark time shortly after college when I thought I would never have a job that I enjoyed.

I felt like I had spent all my time in school and all that hard work was a waste. I felt bad for Jackie, she was a first year teacher and would home to a very miserable me.

So today I have so much to be thankful for. I enjoy my job, the hard work is over, the constant worrying and anxiety is nearly gone although it is a part of me that is hard to escape.

Yet I still don’t feel satisfied and that’s the thing I am really struggling with.

I am wondering if it is because I don’t know how to appreciate and enjoy life. Other than the very early years of my life, I’ve never been able to look around and say, “this is nice, I am happy, lets sit back and relax”.

I feel like I could probably say that now. For the most part things are well. But I do not for the life of me know how, how do I live in the present and just appreciate and enjoy life?

I really think this is a problem for most people. We have this urge inside us to do more, we have to be more, we are never satisfied, so how do we accept what is and who we are and just enjoy it?

Why does our culture make us feel like we aren’t good enough?

Facebook, television, movies, the news. It always seems like all these other people are living spectacular lives in comparison to our own. How do we fight that? How do we feel satisfied? That’s what I want to figure out, that is what is on my mind.

Even after fighting so hard to get to the place I am now, why am I not satisfied? I should be, I am happy… Is it just how my brain is wired after living so many years living in the future because the present was so bad?

I’m not sure, but I hope to get to the bottom of this and learn how to appreciate the great things I have and the great person I have become.

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